8 weeks

memories

8 weeks (or 56 days … or 1,344 hours) … that’s all it took to change the direction of my life.

I’ve always been a fairly carefree and in the moment kind of person. Never taking life too seriously and not really having a purpose or direction. Don’t get me wrong — I am successful in the traditional sense (I have a great job, amazing family/friends, and plenty of hobbies) — the one piece I thought that had been missing is that special someone. Spoiler alert — I found and lost that in those 8 weeks, and thru that process, I have learned a lot and am continuing to learn.

I learned that I need to find a purpose in life but also had been missing not only a partner to share life with, but also self-love for myself.

A little backstory here — and hold the judgements to yourself (or comment below I guess): I had recently gotten out of something short term and honestly it has been a minute since I’ve been in a relationship. As such — I took it hard, and shut myself off for 2 months. I wanted to give myself more time to heal and learn from the experience, but I guess the universe had other plans. I met this person whom I had only seen in passing , but felt this weird pull (let’s call her B), and I still don’t know how it happened — but serendipitously, we just happened to connect and went on an incredible first date (and I guess also second, third and fourth date). The connection, attraction and pull was instant — and for the last 7 weeks … it was consistent and amazing (well at least for me I suppose).

Thru those 7 weeks I learned a lot and honestly after it ended, over the last week I learned even more. In those 7 weeks, I learned:

• There is such a thing as an instant connection and now firmly believe that sometimes things just fall into place (whether it was your plan or not) — sometimes you have to go with the flow.
• The connection was so deep — that it felt like I had know this person forever, but at the same time; my heart rate spiked every time I saw her. Not sure if she felt the same — but it was definitely a weird feeling for me.
• Passion, Attraction and Romance are so important. The way that I looked at her and the way she looked at me — is something that is etched into memory and I will treasure that forever.
• Fun and Partying is great — if it’s balanced. I think I went a little overboard and neglected my health a bit. Which in turn caused a late night ER visit — but it also showed me what someone who truly cares looks like. The emotion on her face at the ER when she walked up, is something I will also never forget.

After it ended and I had a chance to look at it retrospectively:

• I am thankful to have met this amazing soul. Do I wish it had worked out — yes; but am I regretting anything — no. I think for the first time in a long time — I was truly myself and I have no regrets.
• This idea of timing is more important that I thought. When we first met — we both said we were not looking for anything serious as we had both gotten out of something recent … I think I forgot that as time went on. Could be right person — wrong time (who knows what may happen).
• I also learned that constant communication is so critical. When my feelings started to change — having an open conversation about it is important.
• I never compromised my core values, but I liked B so much — that I wanted to see her smile. In that process — between the texting, breakfasts, and notes — I think I became a bit much (thank you therapy for bringing that to light). A little inner reflection and setting expectations is something I need to learn to do during, not after.

In the week since, I’ve had a chance to really dig deep into the dynamics of life and am learning:

• Having a purpose in life is so critical. I still need to find my purpose. I love my job, family and friends — but I think I have more to offer this world.
• Prioritizing physical and mental health is so damn important. The one currency that we have that we can never make more of is time; and one way to increase this currency is being healthy. I’ve since taken up a routine in working out, yoga, meditation and journaling — and while its making me more in-tune with myself, it is also exposing some insecurities I didn’t know I had.
• Going to therapy and having someone to talk to is underrated. I’ve always thought I didn’t need it — but having someone listen and give unbiased opinions pushes my emotional intelligence.
• Journaling everyday is crazy beneficial. I’ve gotten into the habit of writing every morning: what I am thankful for, affirmative thoughts, what would make today successful and a brain dump. I am also challenging myself to do one uncomfortable thing daily. At night — a reflection on how the day went and also noting what was the uncomfortable thing I did and reflecting on that aspect — is helping.
• Relationships can be fast or slow in the beginning — but at the end of the day; it takes work. I heard a great analogy — that when you first meet someone it’s like a empty plot of land. To build a house on it — you need to lay a solid foundation, and then build it brick by brick. It takes 2 to build and am learning that the connection, passion and attraction can be off the charts — but both have to be in the right phase in their life to build and own a home. It’s easy to buy a plot of land — but the rest takes a ton of work and energy.
• Thought -> Feeling -> Action … life is dictated by thoughts which in turn create a feeling and that can in turn cause an action. Thru the end of this chapter — I am learning that I am in control of my thoughts and I can choose my own realty.
• Podcasts … holy shit are they amazing. I’ve found some great people and listen to at least an hour or two of a podcast daily. Thru this I am learning about personal strength, happiness, relationships and growing as a person. If you don’t listen — I would highly suggest listening to other people’s experiences and journeys in life — so you can learn from and thru them.
• Neuroplasticity — it’s legit and while its only been a week; I can see a marked difference in my thought process and how I am approaching life. I’d encourage everyone to take a look and grow the muscle that is your brain. I’ve neglected this for years and thru this experience — am learning how to do so.
• Reading — I am on this journey of self-care and self-improvement and had forgotten how much I enjoy reading. The books out there on inner peace, relationships, love and everything in-between is certainly helping me grown and understand. If you have any suggestions — I guess let me know.

I am (for the first time in 34 years) — ready to (seriously) navigate thru a journey of self-care, self-healing, inner work and bettering myself … obviously for myself, but also in a way for my future partner.

Honestly, the last 8 weeks have changed the direction of my life for the better and I am thankful for the experiences, grateful for this person that changed me and hopeful and excited for the future.